Ultrasound #1

We had our first ultrasound on Tuesday afternoon and everything went well.  I wish that we could have seen a heartbeat before our trip, but I realize that this was unrealistic.  We did see a sac and a very small fetal pole.  This is the first time we have ever seen a baby in progress on ultrasound so that part of it was very exciting.  We don't have our next ultrasound until I am 7.5 weeks, so I am going to have to try not to drive myself crazy between now and then.  I am very happy, but still very cautious. 

hCG Update/Paranoia Sets In

    I've been worrying a lot over the past week about how this pregnancy will turn out.  Having three miscarriages leads to paranoia in a time when most would be excited and at least entertaining the idea of  planning for the future.  I am trying to be happy, but at the moment I seem to punish myself with thoughts of doom whenever I even consider a positive outcome.
     My first two hCG tests were good (88-206 in two days) and my doctor said that I didn't need to repeat them and that I would have my first ultrasound on the 15th of February (It would have been the 17th, but we are going to be out of town).  I thought I could keep my hopes high with the two positive tests results, but by Monday I was losing my mind.  There was inconsolable crying followed by my husband's very sweet offer to call the doctor to ask if I could go in for another test.  My hCG levels came back at 940ish.  I can't remember the exact figure since I was so freakin' happy.  That happiness was short-lived because when I talked to my doctor and he confirmed that we probably won't see a heartbeat before when go on our trip, which means I will be worrying the whole time we are gone, arrrrrrrrrg (like a frustrated pirate).  My doctor suggested that we continue to monitor my hCG every 48 hours since this will be the best measure of how the pregnancy is progressing.  I have my next test tomorrow. 
     Things are going well so far and I have no reason to be worried, except that I have been through this before and it has never turned out well.  I don't know how to get past this, but I am surely trying.  Any pointers from anyone still reading my blog?
     

So Far, So Good.

     My hCG levels are progressing well (88 on Wednesday, 206 Friday) and my doctor isn't going to do another one until the 13th.  They were going to wait until the 17th to do an ultrasound, but since I am going to be out of the country for 10 days during that time obviously that isn't going to work.  I asked the nurse if she would be willing to let me do another hCG to see what my levels are at that time.  I have heard that if something is to be seen on ultrasound you can usually see it once hCG levels reach 1,600 - 2,000.  If things are going well they should reach this level by the 13th at which point they will let me do the ultrasound on the 14th.  That makes sense, right?  Of course it does, and so of course she agreed.  I am going to go crazy if I can't have an ultrasound until I get back from my trip on the 25th, crazy I tell you.
      Being pregnant is really a mixed bag for me. I am half enjoying it and half dreading what will happen if I don't get a baby out of this in 9 months.  Every time I get pregnant I allow myself to enjoy it even when it has never been my experience that things go well.  I really hope this time is different. 
     Any one out there that has had multiple miscarriages that has some advice?  Any one out there regardless of situation that has any advice at all?

Holy Moly!

     So remember how I said that I like to test early...well, I tested this morning and voila, IT'S POSITIVE!  At the moment I just can't believe it.  I am also terrified.  After three miscarriages you wouldn't think that I'd still get excited, but I do. Really excited, like eyes-brimming-with-tears, doing-a-happy-dance, squealing excited.
     Now I want to tell our very closest friends and family (and of course the internet), but my wonderful husband wants to wait until we do the blood test.  I understand his concerns and I know that waiting until we know our actual hCG number would be best.  However, I think our parents and closest friends always feel a little left out when they don't know right away.  Also, I have really appreciated their support through each of the miscarriages, and I think it is easier when they know as soon as we know.  Does anyone have thoughts on this issue?  Who do you tell, if anyone, and when?
     Here's the picture of my urine-soaked HPT for your viewing enjoyment . . .

I made it artsy, just for fun.

Prometrium is Gross

     So this is where you find out that I over-share, and that no information is TOO much . . . at least for me.  Growing up as the daughter of two medical doctors leads to a lot of gross over-sharing, because really no topic is unacceptable for dinner conversation, let alone a public blog.  My parents used the proper names for male and female genitalia and certainly would never use some of the names that I do to refer to my lady parts (even my husband gives me funny looks).  I'll try to keep this technical, but it is hard since I have a pretty foul mouth.
     I've heard that progesterone in oil injections are terrible and I am not going to try to compare my vaginal progesterone suppositories to those awful injections, but if nothing else the suppositories are gross.  They are supposed to be one of the better ways to get a little progesterone in your system and since I had low progesterone during one of my miscarriages, number two to be specific, the doctor recommends it. 
     My really amazing husband inserts the vaginal suppositories for me after I am all ready for bed so I don't have to walk even 10 steps into the bedroom and can therefore remain in a prone position for at least 7 hours.  Perhaps you would think that this is a little bit sexy, but I can assure you it is not.  We started inserting the suppositories two days after our IUI, and I just hate them.  If I sit up too quickly in the morning or have to pee in the middle of the night the stuff just comes out of me.  You can feel it!  Then I am always worried that it wasn't "in" long enough and that too much leaked out.  The paranoia sets in and I am sure that I have destroyed all hope of a baby this cycle.  Has anyone out there had to use these gross things?  Any tips or pointers?  Funny stories?  Please feel free to over-share, since we all now know that there is very little that totally weirds me out.

     As a side note: my lower abdomen/uterus hurts, mostly when I sit down, but it is not crampy.  I don't know if this is a result of the Prometrium or perhaps an early sign that that little sucker did actually implant (this is probably overly optimistic).  Any thoughts?

To Test, or Not to Test

     Really in my case this is a decision between testing early, and REALLY early.  I just can't help it.  I am the type that really likes instant gratification.  When I want something, I want it, and I want it now!!!  (I think I am turning into a blueberry).
     Some women wait until the first day of the their missed period and don't test a day sooner.  While others test long before a positive pregnancy test is even possible.  I usually don't test before 10 days post ovulation, since I have read that it is nearly impossible to detect a pregnancy before this time.  This is not to say that I am not tempted.  Sometimes if I wake up and my stomach feels a bit off i'll go take a test.  I'll admit this is a bit crazy, but I've never claimed not to be. 
     Also, I hate to say it, but I have a feeling that I am not pregnant this month.  I don't know why, and perhaps it is a bit of the crazy coming in, but I just can't believe that this would work on my first cycle with my new RE. 

IUI Complete

My IUI went well on Friday.  It is hard to believe we could be on our way to being pregnant.  My husband keeps looking at my belly and saying "baby in the belly" in a sing songy voice.  It is pretty funny. 

The procedure itself was more painful than I remembered and my ovaries hurt and felt ginormous all morning.  The pain seemed to go away almost completely before the IUI so I assume I ovulated just before the procedure, which is good.  I really don't want to go through all those injections again, but I know many people have been through far worse. 

I would love to hear from anyone who comes across this blog.  What is your story (of course, only if you want to share)?  Feel free to send me a message or comment.

IUI #3

     So, we want a baby, but can't seem to get one to stick.  We are about to have our third IUI, with our second RE, and are hopefully on our way to our fourth pregnancy.  We have had three early miscarriages all ending around the 6-week mark.  This whole process is stressful, sad, and often infuriating.
I don't really know why I want to start this blog now, but it will certainly keep me busy during the upcoming two-week wait.  I am not a very good writer and I probably won't have anything to say that someone else hasn't said before.  I don't even know that I will share this will my friends and family, but sometimes I think it feels good to write things down and to share, with no one in particular, how you feel. 
So here is my story . . . the brief-ish version:
     I just turned 30 and my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for three years this April.  Our marriage is a product of online dating and we have been happily (except when I am on fertility drugs and I want to rip his head off) married since 2008.
     We first got pregnant in April of 2010, but I started bleeding and shortly after miscarried.  We decided to see an RE in January 2011 and I was diagnosed with PCOS.  My Mom (a doctor) has long told me that she thought I had PCOS, but failed to mention that along with my awesome beard/moustache, having trouble losing weight and VERY irregular period that I would also potentially have a lot of trouble getting pregnant.  Thanks Mom.  Anyway, so by March of 2011 (on my second Clomid/IUI cycle) I was pregnant, but not for long.  I realized through this miscarriage that I hated my RE and that I needed to take a step back and maybe just talk to my OB/GYN about doing Clomid/no IUI cycles with her, since we do not have any male factor fertility issues.  My OB/GYN was wonderful and supportive and we got pregnant again, in July of 2011, after just one cycle back on Clomid. I immediately miscarried.
In December of 2011 we decided it was time for a new RE, and we found one.  I was hesitant to see a male doctor, but I figured that it was time to get over my fear of male doctors and just do it.  He is amazing (so far) and it doesn't hurt that he is ridiculously good-looking.
     I have now been tested for everything under the sun and the only other thing the doctors have found is that I have a slight chromosomal abnormality.  I have a pericentric inversion of the 9th chromosome.  It is one of the the most common abnormalities and is also considered a normal variant.  There doesn't seem to be a lot of info out there on this particular chromosomal abnormality, but you can look it up on Wikipedia if you want to know the basics.  The doctor isn't sure if it is affecting our fertility, but it could be. As a bonus I also have hypothyroidism, which seems to now be controlled, but this may have also contributed to some of our miscarriages.
     Here's to hoping for pregnancy #4, and baby #1, and I promise to update as often as possible and to not fall off the face of the earth.