Ultrasound #1

We had our first ultrasound on Tuesday afternoon and everything went well.  I wish that we could have seen a heartbeat before our trip, but I realize that this was unrealistic.  We did see a sac and a very small fetal pole.  This is the first time we have ever seen a baby in progress on ultrasound so that part of it was very exciting.  We don't have our next ultrasound until I am 7.5 weeks, so I am going to have to try not to drive myself crazy between now and then.  I am very happy, but still very cautious. 

hCG Update/Paranoia Sets In

    I've been worrying a lot over the past week about how this pregnancy will turn out.  Having three miscarriages leads to paranoia in a time when most would be excited and at least entertaining the idea of  planning for the future.  I am trying to be happy, but at the moment I seem to punish myself with thoughts of doom whenever I even consider a positive outcome.
     My first two hCG tests were good (88-206 in two days) and my doctor said that I didn't need to repeat them and that I would have my first ultrasound on the 15th of February (It would have been the 17th, but we are going to be out of town).  I thought I could keep my hopes high with the two positive tests results, but by Monday I was losing my mind.  There was inconsolable crying followed by my husband's very sweet offer to call the doctor to ask if I could go in for another test.  My hCG levels came back at 940ish.  I can't remember the exact figure since I was so freakin' happy.  That happiness was short-lived because when I talked to my doctor and he confirmed that we probably won't see a heartbeat before when go on our trip, which means I will be worrying the whole time we are gone, arrrrrrrrrg (like a frustrated pirate).  My doctor suggested that we continue to monitor my hCG every 48 hours since this will be the best measure of how the pregnancy is progressing.  I have my next test tomorrow. 
     Things are going well so far and I have no reason to be worried, except that I have been through this before and it has never turned out well.  I don't know how to get past this, but I am surely trying.  Any pointers from anyone still reading my blog?
     

So Far, So Good.

     My hCG levels are progressing well (88 on Wednesday, 206 Friday) and my doctor isn't going to do another one until the 13th.  They were going to wait until the 17th to do an ultrasound, but since I am going to be out of the country for 10 days during that time obviously that isn't going to work.  I asked the nurse if she would be willing to let me do another hCG to see what my levels are at that time.  I have heard that if something is to be seen on ultrasound you can usually see it once hCG levels reach 1,600 - 2,000.  If things are going well they should reach this level by the 13th at which point they will let me do the ultrasound on the 14th.  That makes sense, right?  Of course it does, and so of course she agreed.  I am going to go crazy if I can't have an ultrasound until I get back from my trip on the 25th, crazy I tell you.
      Being pregnant is really a mixed bag for me. I am half enjoying it and half dreading what will happen if I don't get a baby out of this in 9 months.  Every time I get pregnant I allow myself to enjoy it even when it has never been my experience that things go well.  I really hope this time is different. 
     Any one out there that has had multiple miscarriages that has some advice?  Any one out there regardless of situation that has any advice at all?

Holy Moly!

     So remember how I said that I like to test early...well, I tested this morning and voila, IT'S POSITIVE!  At the moment I just can't believe it.  I am also terrified.  After three miscarriages you wouldn't think that I'd still get excited, but I do. Really excited, like eyes-brimming-with-tears, doing-a-happy-dance, squealing excited.
     Now I want to tell our very closest friends and family (and of course the internet), but my wonderful husband wants to wait until we do the blood test.  I understand his concerns and I know that waiting until we know our actual hCG number would be best.  However, I think our parents and closest friends always feel a little left out when they don't know right away.  Also, I have really appreciated their support through each of the miscarriages, and I think it is easier when they know as soon as we know.  Does anyone have thoughts on this issue?  Who do you tell, if anyone, and when?
     Here's the picture of my urine-soaked HPT for your viewing enjoyment . . .

I made it artsy, just for fun.